March 14th, 2007
My lover spoke and said to me, "Arise, my darling, my beautiful one, and come with me. See! The winter is past; the rains are over and gone."- Song of Solomon 2:9-11;
This verse was given to me in November of last year. It strikes me that as the seasonal winter was quickly approaching here in Atlanta, this verse references the winters of life. Winter. To experience winter, you have to go outside (which happens to be Corbin's favorite thing right now). You can't stay in your protective home by the warm, roaring fire drinking hot cocoa. No, winter is outside, in the cold, windy snow and ice. It is work to stay warm and dry, find food and the other necessities of life. The cold air can be refreshing, but for a few moments from your car to the inside of the grocery store. I guess what I'm saying is that we tend to avoid winter, right? I mean, in Atlanta, there could only be a mere mention of possible snow and milk and break fly off the Publix shelves. Maybe I'm a bit off base this morning, but I know that more people spend time outside when it isn't raining and it isn't cold.
So, I think I just really typed a bunch without saying much at all. Anyway, I love this verse and it hangs up in my office and in Danny's room. I'm ready to see the dreary winter pass and the rain clouds disappear.
We were able to get our wedding video put on DVD and Danny has watched it a couple of times. He cries because he can not remember it. I can not imagine how weird it would be to see you on video in one of the biggest changes in your life and not have one recollection of it in your mind. Perhaps it feels like you've had two different lives; the one you remember and the one people tell you about. How would you feel if you heard about your life through someone else's memory and perspective? It'd suck. Trust me, I can see it all written on Danny's face and it breaks my heart. I guess, we'll just have to have another wedding! The last one was so much fun, but the next one will be more special; the vows will mean more, the first dance will be amazing and the celebration of life will be contagious. I can't wait!
I'd love to be able to tell you that Danny is in the Beyond Therapy program, but we're still waiting for a spot to open up for him. I'd love to tell you that he's made some major progress, but he hasn't. He has, though, shown more movement in his left elbow, his right leg and his memory seems to be getting a bit stronger. In fact, he surprises me sometimes because he remembers something I had figured he'd forget. So, praise the Lord! I'll take small progress because I know from personal experience that small steps still add up to miles of recovery.
Danny did get his new wheelchair; however, he found something to complain about it too. In the last few weeks that we've had it though, it seems that he is getting used to it and realizing that it is more comfortable. He hasn't mastered the right arm, left leg coordination to get him around yet. I think he'll do much better using both his arms, which we're trying to encourage.
Therapy is going pretty well. He has gone to the gym twice and to the pool once since we ended our sessions with the aqua therapist. This week, he is "scheduled" to go two more times. I say "scheduled" because it is something we did ourselves, but I'm hoping that he'll stick to it and work hard. You have no idea how hopeful it makes me to see him go to the gym and to go without me. "Without me" means that Danny demands my attention most of the time. It is very draining emotionally, physically and mentally, plus that means that Corbin doesn't get time with his mom. So, I'm trying to set boundaries for myself and encouraging him that on the days I go to work, he goes to work too.
He does want a job because he feels useless. He feels like he'll never walk again. He wants to understand why God allowed this to happen. He feels like a bad father because he can't play with Corbin like he wants to. Danny tells me to take Corbin and leave because we'd be happier and Corbin could have a real father. He wants his life back so he can do what he wants to do, when he wants to do it. Danny would rather be dead than stuck in the wheelchair. He doesn't understand why he is so impatient.
Those are all things that Danny listed a couple of weeks ago as things that bother him. He begins counseling today and we're praying that it will go well. I pray that not only will Danny begin to deal with his limitations, but he will remember and retain the scripturally based counseling that he will receive. I pray that the seeds will be planted and the Holy Spirit will fill him to overflowing, creating a harvest for the Lord's Kingdom.
Loida finished her chemo treatments this past Monday. She will have to have the surgery to test the margin which I understand to be minor surgery. She meets with the surgeon next week to schedule it and then a few weeks later will begin radiation. Her radiation schedule will still be Monday - Friday, for six weeks. Continue to lift her up in your prayers and we thank the Lord for her health.
Corbin is fabulous! As I mentioned earlier in the update, his favorite place to be and word to say is "outside." He wakes up in the morning, looks out the window and says "outside." It is so cute! He is not merely walking, but running now. He is rather quick and ninja like. You can't hear him coming or going sometimes. He wears a size 6 Extra-Wide shoe; can you stay Barnie Rubble? He loves cars, books and music. He dances, especially the chicken dance with Elmo which you can only smile, laugh and do it along with him. Oh! And, he got his first molar and I didn't even know it was coming until it was already there! Anyway, Corbin is so precious and sweet and I'm so thankful for him. I can not imagine my life without him.
Corbin and I head out to Arizona on Monday for a week. I'm looking forward to doing a bunch of nothing; well, massages, shopping, eating and sleeping. My parents neighbor is a masseuse and has a studio set up in her home. Talk about convenience! It is also my nephew's 5th birthday, so I'm excited to spend that time with him. As I close, I want to thank you all for your emails. I know some of you feel like you are bothering me or some other weird idea that you've created in your head. No, seriously, the emails are great because it shows us just how many people are really lifting us up in prayer and supporting us. I've heard from people that I haven't heard from in many, many years. It is great to see where people are and what they are doing too. So, keep the emails coming as Danny has begun to take an interest and you may even get a response from him:
Spring Blessings,
Allison "overflowing with hope" Diaz
